Speak up About Suicide

Rates of suicide are up among teens and seniors. Talking is the first step in prevention.

Written by John Ferrari

Suicide is never an easy topic to discuss—but discussing it can be a lifesaver. That’s the bottom line from licensed clinical psychologist Moe Gelbart, PhD. Even before you’re concerned about a loved one’s mental state, “the first order of business is learning to communicate,” says Dr. Gelbart, founder and executive director of the Thelma McMillen Recovery Center and director of behavioral health at Torrance Memorial.

That’s true whether you’re a parent raising a teenager or an adult looking out for your parents. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, suicide was responsible for more than 48,000 deaths in 2021. Provisional 2022 data indicate suicides increased by 2.6%. Suicide rates have increased across all ages but especially among teenagers and people ages 65 and older—a trend worsened by the COVID-19 pandemic.

“We have one of the highest levels of stress, anxiety, drug and alcohol abuse, and suicidal ideation ever,” Dr. Gelbart says, “and that’s combined with uneven access to mental health resources.”

Among the reasons for the increase among teens, Dr. Gelbart highlights social and peer pressure magnified by pervasive social media use. “Whatever one’s generation, they feel there were issues and problems during their teen years,” he explains. “The problems are similar today, but the perceived magnitude is increased by the 24/7 news cycle and social media, which can act as a forum for teens to experience negative social interactions—from outright bullying to snide comments—and then share their negative emotions with others in a reinforcing cycle. On social media and the internet, I think most parents would be shocked at the level of encouragement there is for self-harm and suicide.”

That’s where communication comes in. “Studies have shown kids want to talk to parents or other adults about their problems but end up talking to their peers instead,” Dr. Gelbart notes. “Talk so your kids will listen, and listen so your kids will talk. Even well-intentioned parents often talk at their kids, rather than with them. Kids think, ‘This person doesn’t get me. I’m not going to talk with them.’”

He advises parents to practice reflective listening. Hear and understand what the speaker is saying, then validate their emotions: “I hear where you’re coming from, and I understand why you feel that way.” This doesn’t necessarily mean agreeing with the speaker, he adds—just that you understand their point of view and how they’re feeling.

Proactive communication and reflective listening have helped Torrance Memorial’s food and nutrition services director, Johanna Johnson-Gilman, navigate the teenage years with her 19-year-old son and 16-year-old daughter. “Over the years we’ve encountered multiple situations where we’ve had friends and acquaintances who’ve attempted suicide or self-harm and been hospitalized,” she recalls. “I’m very fortunate they talk about this with me.”

She adds: “This is a topic no one wants to talk about, but if we don’t, it pushes teens feeling pain and isolation further. As parents we need to talk about this issue. I talk about it with my children frequently. Mental well-being is as important as physical well-being, and we make it part of an ongoing conversation. They’ve been receptive, and we buffer it with conversations that are lighter. My husband and I make sure our family is a safe place for conversation—a nonjudgmental place of compassion and love. We don’t push too hard for information, but we do normalize consideration of mental health.”

Discussions with your own parents about their mental health present another set of issues and family dynamics. The highest rates of completed suicides by age group are in the 85-and-older cohort, Dr. Gelbart says, followed by the 75-to-85 group. There are some obvious reasons for depression and suicide among older adults, he adds, notably feelings of loss: loss of health, loss of independence, and loss of friends and loved ones.

“Social interaction is essential, especially for seniors who’ve lost a spouse or companion,” Dr. Gelbart says. “Loneliness is probably the biggest issue they cope with.” He notes physical pain and illness can also play a role.

Broaching the subject of depression comes from a place of love, and that’s important to emphasize, Dr. Gelbart says. “In a caring way, tell your loved one you’re concerned, you care about them and are worried for them.”

For both teenagers and older parents, it’s important to know where to turn for professional help when they need it, he says. “Unlike other medical issues, mental health issues have a stigma, and parents may be embarrassed to ask others for help.”

“Whether you’re talking to a parent, a coworker or another adult, tell them, ‘We want to help you, but how are you feeling? What can we do?’” Johnson-Gilman says. “This is an opportunity for sharing.”

For everyone experiencing depression or thoughts of suicide or self-harm, the message is the same, she says: “There may be times when you feel sad or lonely or unloved … please don’t let that be a barrier to sharing with us. Come to us, and we will get you help.”

Warning Signs

• Withdrawal and depression
• Loss of interest in hobbies or schoolwork
• Talk of hopelessness or self-harm
• Giving away prized possessions

Where to Turn for Help

• Ask your loved one, “How would you feel most comfortable getting help?” School counselors, therapists and physicians can provide a nonjudgmental space and discuss community resources.
• 988 is the national suicide prevention, mental health crisis and substance abuse hotline. Available in English and Spanish 24 hours a day, it offers free, confidential emotional support. Crisis counselors provide an initial suicide risk screening and assessment, offer de-escalation, and give clients information and referrals to local community resources.