How to Talk to Teens About Vaping

It used to be much harder for teens to hide smoking from their parents. The smell of cigarettes, lingering smoke and other telltale signs often made the habit difficult to conceal.

Vaping has changed that. Today, teens can take a quick puff in their bedrooms, school bathrooms or even while walking between classes — often without the same obvious warning signs. That has made it easier for some young people to pick up a harmful and highly addictive habit without immediately raising alarm at home.

For many parents, efforts to restrict candy- and fruit-flavored vape products seemed like one way to reduce their appeal to teens, especially because those flavors can make nicotine products feel familiar, harmless or even fun.

But recent news that the U.S. Food and Drug Administration has authorized the sale of certain fruit-flavored e-cigarette products has renewed concerns about how these products may influence young people — and what parents can do to help prevent or address vaping.

That makes this a good moment for parents to check in — calmly, honestly and without turning the conversation into a lecture.

“Vaping is dangerous, regardless of the spin manufacturers put on it. It is especially dangerous for teenagers because of the harm it can cause to the developing brain, how addictive it can be and the risk that it opens the door to other substance use.”

Nicotine can affect attention, learning, mood and impulse control. For teens, whose brains are still developing, that matters. Vaping can also become part of a larger cycle: A teen may think nicotine helps with stress, anxiety or focus, when in reality they may be using it to relieve withdrawal symptoms caused by nicotine dependence.

Where to Begin?

The first step is not a speech. It is a conversation.

Gelbart recommends that parents “talk so your kids will listen, and listen so your kids will talk.” Many teens say they want to be able to turn to a parent or trusted adult, but often go to friends instead because they fear judgment, punishment or being dismissed.

Rather than asking, “Are you vaping?” in a way that feels like an interrogation, try open-ended questions such as:

• “What are you seeing at school?”
• “What do your friends think about vaping?”
• “What do people get out of it?”
• “What have you heard about the risks?”

Then listen.

Be Calm, Then Carry On

If your teen admits to vaping, take a breath. Anger may be understandable, but it usually shuts the door. Gelbart suggests expressing concern in a personal way: “I’m really worried this could hurt you, and I feel scared because I want to help.” That approach is more likely to invite honesty than threats or blame.

Validation also matters. That does not mean approving of vaping. It means acknowledging what your teen is feeling. If they say vaping helps them fit in, relax or cope, resist the urge to immediately correct them. A better response might be, “I can understand why that would feel important. Can we talk about other ways to handle that?”

Parents should still set clear limits and consequences. Boundaries are not the same as punishment. Be specific, be consistent and follow through.

If vaping is frequent, secretive or tied to anxiety, depression, ADHD, low self-esteem or peer pressure, professional help may be needed. A pediatrician, therapist or addiction treatment professional can help identify underlying issues and connect teens with counseling, quit programs and support.

The most important tool parents have is not a perfect warning about vaping. It is the relationship they build with their teen. Facts matter. But trust, curiosity and calm follow-through make those facts easier to hear.

Quick Tips for Parents

• Start with curiosity, not accusation.
• Ask open-ended questions and give your teen time to answer.
• Validate what your teen is feeling without approving of vaping.
• Share your concerns calmly and personally.
• Set clear boundaries and follow through consistently.
• Consider professional help if vaping may be connected to anxiety, depression, ADHD, low self-esteem or peer pressure.

Moe Gelbart, PhD, is a licensed clinical psychologist, a graduate of the University of Southern California and has been practicing since 1976. He has expertise in alcohol and substance abuse, is certified by the American Psychological Association in the treatment of substance abuse and was one of the founders of the Thelma McMillen Recovery Center. He has wide experience in workplace violence and stress, managed care issues and chronic pain, and works with adolescents and adults in individual, couple and group therapy. In addition, he treats anxiety, depressive disorders and relationship issues.