Finding Happiness in the New Year

Written by Moe Gelbart, PhD Director, Behavioral Health Torrance Memorial 

As I settle into the new year, what are the ways I can make myself and my family happier?

As a result of the advances in positive psychology over the last 25 years, we know self-confidence and emotional well-being increase happiness. These factors are within our control and only require our willingness to be mindful and intentional about utilizing and practicing them.

Among the habits of emotionally happy people are:

Maintaining relationships. It is essential to have people in your life whom you connect with. One does not need many people, but at least one person you can open up with, trust and share your innermost thoughts with. Work on maintaining and improving a connection with those with whom you feel closest.

Caring for others. Research shows caring for and giving to others increases the happiness of the giver. Giving reduces stress, anxiety and depression; increases self-esteem; and lowers blood pressure. This habit can be practiced and taught early to your children, for example, by providing for those in need. 

Work on a Positive Attitude. Our feelings come from our thinking, and if we change the way we think, we can change the way we feel. This is the core work of psychotherapy called cognitive behavior therapy and helping ourselves feel better. When we think negatively, self-judgmentally or rigidly, we need to take a breath and examine another way we can see something. If we see the glass as half full rather than half empty, our feelings will be positive. The water in the glass does not have to change—only how we see it.

Practice Gratitude. People who practice gratitude are less depressed, less anxious and happier. Gratitude is something we can learn, work on and improve. Remember, we are not grateful because we live happy lives; we live happy lives because we are grateful.

All of these require you to be intentional about your life choices and to create the life you want rather than leave it to chance or fate. Be intentional about making 2024 a time of happiness for yourself.

I just found out my teenage daughter is making cuts on her forearms with a razor blade. I am terrified and fear she is trying to end her life. What should I do?

As we all know, teens encounter a variety of stressors in their lives and develop both healthy and unhealthy ways to cope with their internal difficulties. Among the most alarming coping mechanisms parents can discover is their child engaging in self-injury. The behaviors are primarily cutting oneself, but can include burning, interfering with wound healing, inserting objects into the skin, punching or hitting oneself and certain forms of hair pulling.

It is alarming to know cutting is on the rise among teens, and without proper treatment those who begin at this age will likely continue in their adult years. Most cutting begins in adolescence, and nearly one-third of teens have experimented with it—primarily females. Teens generally cut as a reaction to stress and feelings of helplessness. 

When internal emotions feel too overwhelming, cutting can provide some distorted sense of relief, often from feeling a sense of low confidence and self-esteem. Many teens report a sense of emotional numbness, and cutting provides a way to feel and release feelings. Cutting also occurs with other emotional difficulties, including eating disorders, depression, anxiety and substance abuse. Cutting can be anything from light scratches in times of great distress to daily cuts so deep they draw blood. Cutters generally cut on their wrists, upper arms, inner thighs and stomachs. 

If you suspect or know your child has a problem, it is important to communicate with them and seek professional help. Just getting them to stop is not enough. They need help finding the source of the emotional pain and tools for coping. Try to avoid judging, criticizing or attacking the behavior and recognize it comes from a troubled emotional place. Learning your child is engaging in this form of self-harm is a time for acceptance, love and assistance.